Inspired by Carolyn Busa's writing @ mysexproject.com
A Stoner's Guide to Flying by Carlos Delgado
Hello. My name is Carlos Luis Delgado Lucio Peralta and I've been a stoner for 5 years, 2 years professionally. What makes me a professional stoner is not only that I claim all legal and illegal weed purchases on my taxes, but that I treat weed as a part of my job. And, as with most jobs, sometimes I have to travel.
Let’s cut to the chase, Marijuana is still an illegal drug under federal law and post-security areas at airports are ruled by federal agencies. The worst case scenario is you get pinned down in a shootout with the DEA over the 12 kilos of premium Chiba you got caught smuggling into Delaware. Not likely though. According to TSA representative, and totally not a lame weed pun, Lorie Dankers, “its officers remain focused on security and detecting weapons, explosives and other threats to aviation and passengers — not on sniffing out drugs.” Note: if you’re flying domestic, don’t worry about TSA dogs. For domestic flights, dogs are mainly used to sniff for explosives, not drugs. If you’re flying international, DO NOT FLY WITH DRUGS. THE DOGS WILL FIND YOU AND TAKE YOUR BREATHE.
So, let’s say you’re going to allegedly travel with some cannabis. My policy is: I carry everything but flower, allegedly. Edibles and oil vape cartridges are my bread and butter when it comes to air travel. In my experience, I have traveled with a respectable amount of cookies and vape pens in my carry-on without any issue. I stick them right next to my Xanax and “Plane Wreck” pack of cigarettes (I don’t smoke cigarettes but when I fly, I bring a pack in my carry-on in case the plane goes down. I’m not going out without chuffing down one last dart). Most of the time a TSA agent will check a bottle of pills before putting a ziplock bag of sugar cookies under a microscope. Also, too many people travel with nicotine vapes for TSA agents to discern whether every vape cartridge contains Jack Herer or Cotton Candy Cantaloupe E-Juice, so vape on my friends.
Now that we’ve made it past security, it’s time to take off. Depending on weight, it takes anywhere between approximately 45 minutes - 2 hours for an edible to kick in. I usually eat a 100mg edible on the car ride to the airport. By the time I’m going through TSA, I’m starting to feel some tingling in my feet and should be fully enjoying the high by the time the plane is ready for take-off.
In order to enjoy my flight with minimal disturbance or discomfort I have come up with a system called the “Green Apron System.”
Go to the bathroom before you board the plane. Also, try to avoid big meals before flying.
Choose a window seat. This prevents other passengers from disturbing you by climbing past you for the bathroom.
A double-sided neck pillow, or two neck pillows worn at the same time. This is to keep your neck upright and comfortable without having to lean back or against the window.
Earplugs or comfortable headphones. Make sure you test the tension of the headphones before flying. Even your trusty pair of Skull Candys will give you a headache if you wear them for long enough. There’s also sleep headphones which are basically a sleep mask and headphones that can be worn to bed. This is my choice.
Optional: a sign pinned to your shirt that instructs the Flight Attendants to wake you up for food or snacks. Yes, I am serious and don’t call me Shirley.
In case you were wondering, I do not vape on the plane. Most airplanes have been fitted with dual smoke and vapor detectors and the crew will land a plane over a vape filled bathroom. Similar to the International Flight scenario, carry on at your own discretion. In closing, I like to fly high. This is how I do it. I hope this helps you fly high a little smoother, if that is something you like to do too.